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• 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples

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This book is by far the best. We strongly recommend it to all couples. We learned so much from it…

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1. Use connecting points. It should be short, sweet, and to the point. Make an effort to find “connecting points-”-the things that you and your person of interest have in common. Read their profile carefully. See what this person likes to do for pleasure in terms of travel, sports, hobbies and entertainment. “So, you went to Italy last year? I was in Italy three years ago. I really enjoyed it. What about you…?” may seem basic and not too exciting, but in this situation it can be a great conversation starter. Now, you have something in common.

2. Write only to people you like. It may sound obvious, but it’s easy to get carried away when writing your first messages to people on dating websites, with the abundance of profiles available for your scrutiny. But it is critical that you only write to people whom you really like, people who pull you in and with whom you feel you may have a lot in common. Do not mass-mail! Remember, you are actually in the position of writing to potential partners for as long as you choose; there is no limit to your ability to keep up your search.

3. Use the Compatibility Analysis feature. Using the compatibility analysis provided by dating websites will help you contact people with whom you are more likely to resonate. Go for a seventy-five to one hundred percent compatibility rate for the best results. Please keep in mind that any analysis framework is not perfect and has a certain deviation ratio. Therefore, do not limit yourself to people who are ninety-five to one hundred percent compatible with you. This is also known as the “Perfect Match” and for obvious reasons is a rare thing indeed, even if you’ve taken extreme care with your profile. For instance, in our case, our profiles revealed about 85% compatibility-and yet if you were to ask either of us we’d both say it’s a match made in heaven. However, you might remember that Elena was not all that forthcoming when she filled out her Questions and Answers form. And this is fairly typical for many people who have a hard time providing this sort of information in this format. Luckily, however, there will be many, many others who will not, and who will have taken the time and energy necessary to put together a solid profile that will help you make your decisions.

But even if you become an overnight sensation and receive emails from numerous candidates, it’s best to avoid having email exchanges with too many people at the same time. It is virtually impossible to maintain a meaningful conversation with more than two or three people at the most at any given time. Remember, you are looking for a potential soul mate; it takes time to discover who he or she is. We all have busy lives and want to give each person with whom we communicate his or her due by taking the time to learn about the person, and ultimately make an educated decision about whether you want to proceed with the relationship-or end it gracefully.

4. Use the My Favorites feature. All dating websites have the My Favorites feature. If you see a profile that you really like, add it to your My Favorites section. The dating process is extremely dynamic. It is only natural that some people will like you and some will not. Therefore, your “Favorites Portfolio” will change every week. If you make the effort to contact two or three people from your Favorites list at the same time before moving on, you’ll be keeping up with your options. And if within several days you do not see a response, it is likely to assume this person has something else going on. It’s time to remove this person from your Favorites Portfolio and keep going.

There are literally thousands of people who join dating websites every day. And there thousands of others who leave those same websites because they have either found their new love-or gave up trying (something we hope you never do). If your first-or second-or third group of Favorites did not produce the results you want-i.e., you have not found the mate of your dreams-keep right on searching. Unless you have limited your search to within a very small locale or radius, it is likely you will see a new collection of potential candidates every week.

5. Use the Active/Inactive feature. The majority of dating websites nowadays have a great feature: It shows you when a particular individual has used that website the previous time. This is helpful because it reveals the individual’s status relative to where they are in their search for a mate. When you see that somebody has been inactive for weeks-or even months-it is safe to assume that they are going through some kind of transition period. Perhaps they are taking a new relationship with someone special to a deeper level, traveling overseas…or saving polar icecaps from melting. You really can’t possibly know the reason behind their inactivity, but whatever it is, you should really think twice about contacting these people because what you do know is that they have backed off their search at this point in time.

This Activity/Inactivity feature has another great capability. It can also help you find out if you have been rejected by a particular individual. When you see that a person has used the website after you sent your message and there has been no reply within two or three days… Guess what? You’ve been rejected. So suck it up and keep on searching.

It is not a platitude to say that good things happen to people who keep on trying. After all, is this not one of the most important things you’ll ever do? If you believe you have a True Love out there, then chances are you absolutely do! So keep on searching. We are of the belief that some things are just not meant to be. But we are also of the belief that other things are meant to be…it’s just that sometimes a bigger effort needs to be made to find that person out there who will like you just the way you are.

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1. Do Number One: Focus on your date.  Show a sincere interest in him or her. If you have a sincere interest it will be easier for you to stay within your date’s comfort zone because you’ll be paying attention to his/her signals. You’ll want to stay focused, but you’ll also want to try and relax and have fun. We all know this can be difficult on a first date! On the other hand, there’s nothing more exciting than being on a date with a new person-someone you actually wanted to meet. Adrenalin is rushing and you have that heady sensation that anything is possible. You wonder what your date is thinking and how to interpret your date’s body language. Does she like you? Do you like him? Do you feel any chemistry? Do you sense a special vibe between the two of you? There is nothing more thrilling than a new experience-and there is no time like the first time. Enjoy it to the fullest.

2. Do Number Two: Be Yourself. How can you act naturally when you’re nervous as heck? How can you “be yourself” when you’re worried about being rejected? There’s no easy answer to this dilemma. But it’s really the most important thing you need to do. There is no need to adopt someone else’s behavior model. Be yourself and find out if you’ll be liked for who you are. Let’s say your natural tendency is to be a bit shy. You may think of it as a bad thing. But for many people, there may be nothing more attractive than a shy person-particularly in this day and age where the lack of modesty is pervasive. Believe it or not, your shyness could be the precise trait that your date would find attractive in you. The act of hiding it may be the one thing that turns him or her off completely, or cause your date to lose the opportunity to appreciate it. Hiding a character trait takes a lot of energy as well, and is an “unnatural” thing to do. Ultimately you will be misjudged-either for the traits you pretend to have (or not have) or for the unnatural demeanor with which you cloak yourself.

3. “Do” Number Four: Be Prepared. Another helpful aspect to approaching a first date is to come prepared. Learn as much as you can about your date through your emails and/or on the phone. You can even go as far as to prepare questions that you want to ask (keep the list in your pocket). This helps to keep the conversation flowing. There is an old saying: “The best improvisation is a well-prepared improvisation.” On a first date this could not be a truer statement. Feel free to ask as many questions as you can-bearing in mind to pay close attention to the answers your date provides. Asking questions of your date shows you have an interest in who he or she is and what your date is all about.

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2. Don’t Number Two: Don’t go outside your date’s comfort zone. This means being sensitive to your date’s signals. Remember, body language is your friend. If you say something and your date looks confused or puzzled, you may have just crossed the border of his or her comfort zone. For instance, if you’re on your first date and the conversation gets around to the things that are important to both of you in a relationship, it may not be the best choice to say something along these lines: “In my partner I’m looking for compassion, honesty and…great sex drive.” By saying this, you will likely have immediately gone outside your date’s comfort zone-unless, of course, you are on a date with an extremely confident individual or a sex addict.

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